Dark Secrets The Truth Be Told

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So, it stays a secret. Not all secrets bring us stress, Zafirides emphasizes. Some secrets are useful, even pleasant, like a child's gift or a spouse's surprise party. But if a friend offers to tell you something weighty in strictest confidence, think before you sign on. Ask yourself first if the information truly warrants privacy, Zafirides advises. It also helps to consider other people's likely reactions to discovering the secret you're protecting, whether it's your own or someone else's. Often, Zafirides says, those reactions are much less dramatic than we imagine.

Keeping Secrets Can Be Hazardous To Your Health

This especially applies to embarrassing stories from years ago. Finally, while it may sound like a trivial exercise, research has found that writing out the pros and cons of holding on to a secret that's causing you stress may be helpful. Taking the time to consider the implications of locking away sensitive intel is ultimately a healthy exercise — and that's no secret. Other families locked their mentally ill relative in a room and maintained isolation and secrecy about this person.

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C Rape: I have a number of female patients who were raped either during their early adolescence, late adolescence or adulthood, and who kept the crime a complete secret. These survivors of violent rape attacks blamed themselves for the rape and continued to feel guilty well into late adulthood.

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D Women: Sexual issues and various types of sexually transmitted diseases are sources of extreme shame and embarrassment for women because they fear that they will be judged as promiscuous if they admit to a boyfriend that they have an STD. In this case, I am referring to the less deadly types of STD's such as Chlamydia and herpes, rather than the more serious diseases such as HIV, which has this as well as other issues surrounding it. I have seen many cases in which a woman is reluctant to begin a relationship because she fears rejection if she admits to having an STD.

E Adoption: Even today, some families treat adoption as something to be ashamed of. Perhaps this has to do with the fear that they will be judged by others for not being able to have their own children. In addition, there are those parents who fear that if their children learn that they are adopted, they will want to find their biological parents and turn away from their adopted ones.

As a result, there are those unfortunate families who keep the adoption a secret from their children. F Alcoholism or Drug Addiction: Some attempt to hide their drug addiction for fear of losing their jobs and others fear the loss of their loved ones if they admit to their addiction. The fear of judgment is a powerful motivator for secrecy because people find it difficult to admit, even to themselves, that they have an addiction.

Yet, the possibility of recovery dictates that the addict recognize the addiction and find help.

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G Job Loss: In our highly competitive society in which success is measured by the amount of money that you make, being laid off, downsized or fired from a job is experienced as extremely painful and leads to feelings of depression for many people. Men feel most stigmatized by losing their jobs because so much of their self worth is measured by their ability to earn a living for their families. There are actually cases in which a father has lied to his children about his work status, pretending to the child that he still has his old job.

In one case, the particular father went to work driving a taxi cab, changed his clothes at the garage to fit that of a driver and tried to make a living in this way so that his children and neighbors would not know the truth. H Extramarital Affairs: In example number 6 above, the woman lived a double life. The lover knew of the husband and wanted her to leave the marriage and be with him.

She didn't want to leave her husband because she did not believe the lover could maintain a serious relationship leading to marriage. In addition, she feared condemnation from everyone and maintained strict secrecy around everything she was doing. She admitted that the entire secret could be discovered by her husband one day but, in fact, she was in denial about this possibility.

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She was constantly plagued by feelings of guilt, yet, could not stop the affair or leave the marriage. I Homosexuality: When I was a young man, studying for my PhD, the head of my dissertation committee admitted to all of us, students and faculty alike, that he had left his marriage of 25 years and his adult daughters, in order to live in a homosexual relationship with his lover.

He had kept his real sexual identity hidden from his wife, children, colleagues, and friends, out of feelings of shame and the fear of rejection. It was the era of increased sexual tolerance and greater public awareness that allowed him to "come out of the closet. J Gambling: Tragically, in case number 7 above, the wife did not learn the full extent of the dire financial situation for herself and the children until after her husband suddenly died of a heart attack.

Learning the reality of the situation was disastrous for her and led to a complete life style change due to the seriousness of the debt. This is not a complete list of all the reasons why families keep secrets.

umebywemyxut.tk Criminal behavior, violations of the incest taboo, and suicide are additional examples of the many other factors leading to lies and secrets. Secrets lead to lies and secrets and lies can have serious consequences. That is really the theme of the novel, The Memory Keeper's Daughter, in which one character's secret and lies lead to more secrets and lies committed by others in the family and community.

In the real world, I heard of another case in which a son was not told that his Dad is not his biological father. The father who raised him died of a heart attack caused by congenital heart disease. The son, believing that this was his natural father, assumed that he inherited the same gene for heart disease.

He spent twenty years carefully limiting his diet and working out in order to delay the onset of what he predicted would be his own demise due to the same heart disease suffered by his father. Then, on her death bed, his mother admitted to him that his Dad had adopted him when he was a small child and neither one had ever told him the truth. The reason for the secrecy was the fact that the biological father was a convicted criminal. The parents feared that the only hope of having this boy lead a normal life was if he knew nothing of this biological father. Needless to say, it came as a tremendous shock to this man to learn first, that his Dad was not his biological father and also that he harbored no genes for heart disease.

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  4. In case number 2 above, the young woman finally felt enough trust in the therapist to summon up her courage and reveal the fact that she had been raped when she was in her very early twenties. For ten years she harbored this secret, feeling like she was damaged, believing she was at fault for the rape, fearful of telling her boyfriend for fear she would be judged promiscuous and rejected, and living with an enormous amount of rejection.

    Once she started to discuss the rape in therapy, including all of her beliefs and fears about its occurrence, and once she felt fully accepted by the therapist, she started to feel enormous relief and her depression started to lift.

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    Family secrets have consequences beyond what the secret keepers ever imagined. For example, in case number 2, the young woman who had been raped avoided forming a permanent relationship with a man for fear that when he learned about her rape she would be rejected. However, her trust in her therapist and the safety of the therapy office allowed her to take the risk of revealing the secret. The therapist's sympathetic, warm, and assuring response was such that she found the courage to tell her boyfriend. Fesshole is a Twitter account which allows people to anonymously confess their darkest secrets through a Google Form.

    The account was set-up by bot supremo Rob Manuel, the man behind Clickbait Bot and Swear Clock, and reminds us how dark and depraved we all really are. I was still living at home at the time, and had a massive anal sex session with my girlfriend on the front room sofa while my parents where out. She shat a little bit on the sofa and it left a stain.

    When questioned by my parents, I blamed the dog, and they said they couldn't …. When I'm in the shower and I happen to have the runz, I sometimes just do a shit right there and mash the lumps down the plughole. I take any clogged hair out first, though, I'm not a savage. I had a monster night out and had a massive hang over the next morning. Rather than calling in sick, I told work that someone had tried to mug me and I was a bit shaken up so couldn't come in.